I, think I will stop going to dentists.
My last three visits to these modern day Tooth Fairies has resulted in 3 teeth going. It would not be so bad if it was just loosing a tooth but the discomfort really makes it a rather big issue.
When I was a child I used to look forward to the days that my teeth would loosen and come out - sometimes with some assistance from external devices. The loose tooth would come out and be kept secure so it could be placed in a slipper at the foot of the bed. In the morning, instead of a rather ugly looking tooth, there would be a coin left either by some daft little mouse or a fairy with a fetish for collecting childrens' teeth.
Now, at 51 years old, the teeth are still firmly rooted but due to decay, have to be extracted. If only they would come out easily.
Half a lifetime ago I lost my first tooth when it was knocked out by a Mercedes in a head on collision on a highway.
Years later, another tooth decide to cleave in twain and after months of having a split tooth, half fell out. Some months later the other half crumbled and collapsed and so I went to the Dental School where they removed it. The dental student was a pretty young lady who was very worried about the discomfort I was experiencing and instructed me in the correct use of dental floss.
At the end of last year, after experiencing some pain on one side of my mouth I went to the dental school again. The semester was finished so the only dentists available to do the work were the experienced lecturers. The pain was being caused by infection underneath a tooth whose base had re skilled to become a bacteria generator and the prognosis was that the tooth should be extracted together with the offensive bacteria. The doctor, professor or lecturer injected anesthetic in the appropriate places and after a suitable amount of time, tested the work area.
"OUCH!"
"Okay ve vill poot some mor anaesthetic"
Test again.
"OW!!"
"Ja, stil not goode? Ve shal poot sum more"
"After dis ve can do no more Ja? You hav had de limit then Ja!"
Test again
Bearable
So she started removing it. Like me, the tooth was being stubborn and was not too keen to be evicted from its place.
"You must be a patient ziss is going to take a little effort!"
More pressure, twisting and pulling.
This was getting intense.
It was starting to be very painful but as a man I dare not let it be seen! My right arm decided to rebel and it started shaking.
"No! Vot is de matter? It is not that sore! You haf had enuf injekshuns Ja? Behafe yourself!!"
There is no way to respond. She has a hand in my mouth together with a pair of fancy pliers, a pipe sucking trying to remove the lining of my mouth and another silver tube that is spraying water into the demolition site.
I hold tight to the chair but the right arm will not be constrained and it is waving furiously at my side and encouraging my legs to join the rebellion which they too start to do.
Doctor Sadistky by this time has the pliers held in two hands both gripping with all their might to the surgical steel handles. She is trying hard not to put her foot against my face so that she can really pull hard and prevent me from being pulled out of the chair.
She twists, turns and wriggles, discards the pliers and replaces them with another, more powerful looking pair!
Eventually the tooth decides that resistance is futile and it relinquishes its hold on the lower jaw and with a resounding CRACK! it comes out.
'Dis woz not so bad ja? Why were you like da baby? Whats the matter with you?' Dr Dread asks.
It had to be my worst experience ever at a dentist. I am convinced that Poland exiled her and the only place she could get a place to work was at the Dental school!
She said another would have to be pulled out too but that it could wait till the new year. No way was I going back there!
So, today, months after that experience, I went to see another dentist. We are on a medical aid now which means that Dentists can extract more than just teeth - they extract money too from the medical aid!
Anyway, the dentist sees the condition of my mouth and identifies a tooth that needs work now.
He will try to save it but if not, he will have to extract it.
I get the injections - not too bad.
He sees quite soon that he will not be able to save it.
He battles for a while to get it out but he is successful.
No pain during the procedure.
Why can't all dentists work as nicely as him?
All the above is of course mainly my fault - I should have looked after my teeth better and not gone for 5 years without any work being done or checkups.
We live, we learn and we loose our teeth.
Dentures, here I come!
